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These paleo nachos are epic, aka the best paleo nachos ever. What makes paleo nachos epic, you ask? Well, what do you think of plantain chips topped with tender carnitas, the best paleo queso blanco, guacamole, pico de gallo, smoky guajillo salsa, and creamy chipotle sauce? If those doesn’t sound like the best paleo nachos to you, I just don’t even know who you are anymore. To make these vegan, simply tofu or your favorite meatless protein for the carnitas.

You really thought I’d load you up on all of those killer Mexican recipes lately and leave you hanging without nachos?

I would never do that to you.

No, we’re friends. And friends make each other epic paleo nachos with carnitas. At least my friends do… what kind of friends do you have?!

So, nachos are kind of my favorite food, and that’s kind of a problem. Because, you see, my first Whole30 confirmed something I’d suspected for a while: I don’t handle dairy well. And considering how much I love nachos and fancy cheese (I lived in Paris, after all), it was a sad realization. But I’d been making vegan nacho cheese for years, and I wasn’t too distraught. No, I’d rather not feel like I’m dying just because I ate a gigundo basket of loaded nachos at Moe’s on a whim. Yeah… not like that ever happens or anything.

Instead, I make epic paleo nachos. We’ve kind of sort of covered this already, but I’m not sure if you fully understand the meaning of the use “epic” here. I reserve that term for especially extravagant dishes, those loaded with every little thing my heart could desire / my brain could come up with. I left no condiment unturned, no wish unfulfilled, and so to me, these are the best paleo nachos ever. They’ve got all the best things, and I could kind of eat these every single day.

My addiction to paleo nachos really took hold when I was on my first Whole30. I was a few weeks in but not so far that the end was truly in sight, and I was left to my own devices for dinner. If you’ve never peaked through my window on a night when O is at a game or work function thingy, you might not know this (here’s hoping!) but… I eat like a maniac when I’m alone.

All bets are off, and diets fly out the window. I’ve been known to eat a bag of Doritos for dinner, and, y’all.

I’m a paleo blogger.

It’s cool. No one saw me. I just admitted it on the internet, but it’s alright. No one knows…

So this particular Whole30 night, I was dying for something that was not protein with a side of veggies. I knew that paleo nachos technically qualified as SWYPO (That’s “sex with your pants on” for you laypeople. In other words? A technically compliant stand-in for something super not compliant, like loaded nachos from Moe’s on a whim), but I just didn’t care at that point. I figured I’d be better off having SWMPO than running naked through the streets like a wild woman, and so I indulged.

And my heavens, I’m pretty sure those were the best bites of food I’d ever had. I sacrificed pants-on sex for staying faithful in my [short-term] marriage to the Whole30. But, thing is, I kind of fell in love with my side piece. I fell in love with the thick, crunchy plantain chips and the rich cheese-free queso and the MEAT, oh, oh, the meat, and the absolute gobs of guacamole.

So epic paleo nachos are kind of a big deal to me, you see. And this recipe totally qualifies.

You start off with a generous handful of crunchy, slightly salty plantain chips then ladle some creamy, spicy queso over the base. Top with spiced, tender carnitas that you made in the Crockpot or Instant Pot (and my recipe for the best Instant Pot carnitas is coming very soon – make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss it!) and cool, creamy guacamole dotted with crunchy red onions and fresh cilantro. You finish everything off with a quick, fresh pico de gallo and, get this, creamy chipotle sauce. Ugh! Spoon a bit of my smoky guajillo salsa over the dish to finish it off, and you’ve got a dish that’s crunchy, creamy, cool, spicy, smoky, tender, spiced, rich, fresh, and bright. Uh… what!

Epic, I told you.

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